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Jan. 5, 2016: Getting Clocked

January 6, 2016

Mara and I ran a few errands the other day, and in the course of the day, she grew increasingly agitated. When we got into the car after the last errand, she said people were clocking her (reading her as transgender) left and right. She gets anxious when she feels people are staring at her. (I would feel the same way, frankly.) I never noticed anyone staring. But sometimes I think she is jumping to conclusions. “Maybe they were just noticing how tall you are for a woman,” I said. (She’s six feet tall.) When we were coming out to people, one friend noticed Mara before I said anything. When I told her, she responded, “Oh, I was just wondering who that statuesque woman was.”

Maybe I’m not being sensitive enough. I’m so used to Mara being…well…Mara. But I can understand how she must feel. Even though she’s very passable, and no one ever questions her gender, I’m sure there are some people who look at her and wonder. And she can feel it.

Some people clock her and are supportive. A few weeks ago, I blogged about a woman I overheard in the gym ranting about transgenders using the women’s locker room. A few days ago, Mara and I chatted with a different woman in the gym locker room. She mentioned that the gym’s next incarnation (it had just been renovated) should be to offer co-ed locker rooms. Not that co-ed locker rooms would be a solution to what some people see as a problem. It’s just that it was obvious that: a) this woman had read Mara as a transwoman, and b) she had no problem with Mara being in the women’s locker room.

Whether people are supportive, judgmental, or just curious, it’s still hard for Mara. She says it’s a constant reminder that she was born with a male anatomy. I wish I could make it so that no one stares, comments or wonders about Mara’s gender. The best I can do is be there for her.






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