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Sept. 13, 2015: Wedding Quandary

September 13, 2015

We visited extended family (my side) out of state over Labor Day weekend. We hadn’t seen my niece and her daughter or my nephew and his family in two years. They all accept Mara. And the kids are incredible; they know she is transgender and they don’t really care. They just want to play and have fun.

During our visit, Mara and I heard that another nephew, who is getting married next June, is in a quandary about the guest list. He and his fiancé accept Mara. Almost everyone in my immediate family does not. The quandary is that some family members do not want to see Mara at the wedding. And I will not attend a family gathering if Mara is not invited and my siblings’ spouses are.

My nephew is uncomfortable with the whole situation, according to his sister. She has advised him to keep the guest list close and that he should not let anyone influence who they invite. But it’s important to him, understandably so, that his extended family be there; and it sounds like some of them might not attend if Mara does.

This is one occasion where people need to leave their prejudices at home and celebrate this important event with their loved one. It’s my nephew’s and his bride’s day. Not theirs. Not Mara’s and mine. And the focus should only be on the wedding couple. Period.

I told my niece that, if her brother decides to handle the situation by not inviting Mara and me, of course I would be disappointed, but I won’t hold a grudge. I love my nephew, and I will accept whatever he feels he needs to do. Except one thing: invite me but not Mara. That’s a no-no for any wedding. You just don’t invite someone and say their spouse can’t attend. And if Mara and I receive an invitation, we will be honored to go and celebrate their wedding with them. If other family members decline because Mara is going, that’s their choice. (I know, that’s easy for me to say; I’m not the one getting married.)

I took a stand for my marriage, and I’m still standing for it. Now, my nephew gets to choose whether or not to take a stand, and if so what stand to take.



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  1. I’m glad you took a stand for your marriage. Marriage is a lot of work, and things can go in many unpredictable directions – as you know all too well. I hope to have one as good one day….

    • Thank you Marian. Authenticity was the key for Mara and me. Just keep being a stand for who you are.

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