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August 10, 2015: Eulogy for a Friend

August 11, 2015

A dear friend of ours died last week. He was a fine actor and wonderful human being. He was going to direct Mara and me in a two-woman show we are writing about our journey as a trans couple. We just met with him about our script and had dinner at our house a week ago Sunday. Two days later, he had a massive stroke.

I first met our friend at a show called “Movin’ On” that a group of transwomen performed at a local trans convention. This was shortly after I found out that a guy named Gary, on whom I had a crush, was transgender, going by the name of Mara, and I was trying to let go of any idea of having a romantic relationship with her. (Fortunately for me, I was able to get out of my own way, and we’ve been happily married for 18 ½ years.) That show is where I first met Susan (our friend’s femme name). Other than Mara, Susan was the first transwoman I had ever met; and it was this meeting, and the subsequent meeting of other convention attendees, that changed my view of the trans community: that trans people are just like everyone else and that they are all about living their lives authentically.

At the time, Susan, like Mara, was cross-dressing but hadn’t transitioned. Over the years, for several reasons, she stopped cross-dressing, at least in public, and dropped the female name and pronouns. Still, our friend would occasionally get together with Mara over a beer and talk about being trans. We’ve also gotten together with him and his wife for dinner or a night at the theater. We will miss those times.

Our show will go on; he would have wanted it that way. We can replace the director, but we’ll never replace our friend.




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  1. Stephanie Lowry permalink

    I’m really sorry to hear of this loss. May Terry rest in peace. I know your show will be great, but will also be bittersweet without him there.

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