Skip to content

April 14, 2014: I Took a Stand

April 15, 2014

I took a stand for my marriage on Friday. A sibling who lives out of state was going to be in L.A. for the weekend, staying with my mom; and my mom arranged for my other siblings, all of whom live in southern California, to meet at her house on Sunday, to make it a family gathering. I was invited, but my mom did not mention Mara.

Shortly after we came out to her nearly two years ago, she told me that, while I’m welcome to visit any time, Mara is not welcome in her house. That posed a problem. If she hosted a holiday at her house, we planned to spend it somewhere else. I told one of my sisters last Easter that I wouldn’t be spending the holiday at my mom’s because, like most married people, I like to spend holidays with my spouse. But I didn’t say that to my mom when I declined the invitation. I just said we had other plans, which was only a half truth.

I did go to her place for Mother’s Day last year. My siblings were there with their spouses, and it was very awkward, knowing that I was the only one whose spouse wasn’t invited. In fact, no one regarded me as if I was married. I have also visited my mom on my own several times, and again, she never said anything that related to my being married, although I did from time to time (“Mara and I had a new roof installed,” etc.).

Frankly, I feel insulted that they don’t acknowledge my marriage. They don’t have to accept Mara, but they treat me as if Mara doesn’t exist. Yet they keep telling me they love me. If they love me, why do they keep insulting me?

When my mom invited me to come over this past weekend, I hemmed and hawed, saying I was going to a conference and might not make it. She didn’t ask about the conference, and I didn’t tell her. But I told the sister who was visiting from out of state that I was going to the Transgender Leadership Summit.

I finally took a stand on Friday, after Mara and I met with our counselor. I called my mom and said I can come on Sunday and that I would like to bring Mara. When she said she didn’t want Mara there because it would be too uncomfortable, I just calmly and matter-of-factly said that we wouldn’t be coming, then. I asked her to give our love to everyone else and that I would call my sister. I could tell she was starting to get upset. But I have to remember that I can’t save her from her own feelings. That’s what I’ve been trying to do for nearly two years, and it’s been taking a toll on me. It was time for me to take a stand for my marriage and for my dignity. So I did


From → Uncategorized

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: