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Oct. 17, 2013: Shades of Gray

October 17, 2013

I’ve been telling more people about this blog, and they’re checking it out. One was a fellow writer, who asked on the WordPress blog whether my relationship with Mara means I’m a lesbian. Fair question. She is supportive, but in her words, confused. For those of you who don’t read the comments section of WordPress, or who use Blogger (Blogspot), here’s the reply I posted:

“Our relationship falls into one of many shades of gray. That is, it’s neither heterosexual nor homosexual; it’s transsexual. For us, there is no black and white, just an infinite continuum of shades of gray. There are relationships between trans-men and trans-women, between lesbians and trans-men, between straight women and trans-women, etc. For the record, I still like men. But my relationship with Mara, which goes way back to when she identified and presented mostly as male, has endured as he became a she.”

I also reconnected with another writer friend on Facebook, who told me of a friend of his who is transitioning. So I friended her and wrote a little note introducing myself. She replied with her phone number so we could talk, and we had a great conversation. She was very impressed that I am staying in the relationship with Mara. Not many cis-women do. But there are other women out there who are supportive of their spouses. We met some of them at the Southern Comfort conference. Many are married to cross-dressers (who dress as women but don’t take hormones or feel the need to transition completely). Women like me, who are married to transsexuals (who are wrong-bodied and need to transition, or have transitioned) are fewer in number. But we all relate to one another on some level.

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