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Sept. 18, 2013: A Kindred Spirit

September 18, 2013

We met many kindred spirits at Southern Comfort, and we had dinner Monday night with one of them, who lives in the L.A. area. We told her our story in a nutshell; and she told us hers. As with many trans people, she has a wife who does not accept her as a transwoman; and she does not want her to present as female in her presence. That understandable, especially when her wife didn’t know before they were married.

Most trans people don’t tell their significant others and spouses because they’re confused; and many feel they can “cure” themselves of being trans by marrying. Many feel ashamed, like they’ve somehow done something wrong or are deeply flawed. They just want to be “normal.” So they hide that part of themselves, not to hurt anyone but to protect them.

But what is normal, really? Most people take it to mean conforming to however our society and culture defines it. To me, that’s not normal; that’s just conformity. Normal is what’s so for each person. Mara is a transwoman, and that’s normal for her. I’m a ciswoman, and that’s normal for me.

 

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