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May 13, 2013: More Friends

May 14, 2013

We went to another party yesterday, a graduation party for the daughters of a couple we are friends with. (One daughter graduated from college and the other from grad school.) There were a few people there whom Mara had come out to over the phone but who hadn’t met her. They didn’t miss a beat — even the guys. It still amazes me how accepting people are. They may have some questions, mostly out of curiosity, but it’s a different world than it was even 10 years ago. I don’t know if it’s an overall movement toward tolerance and acceptance or more laws that protect trans people. (One of the houses of the California state legislature just passed a bill making it illegal to discriminate against transgender students at schools throughout the state; only a few cities, like L.A. and San Francisco, had such laws on the books before.) Or maybe we just have exceptional friends. Probably all of the above.

Meanwhile, I gathered with members of my immediate family to wish my mom an early happy Mother’s Day at her house on Saturday. Two of my siblings brought their spouses, so I felt a little weird not bringing mine. And no one asked about Mara. I understand that she isn’t welcome there, but I know that some of my family members actually consider me single. I had had a late lunch that day, and after a couple of hours of visiting, they went to a restaurant for an early supper at about 4:30. So I bowed out and went home. I wasn’t going to eat anything, because I wasn’t hungry yet; so I think it would have been awkward if I had gone with them. It was awkward enough as it was, just being there without Mara. But I wanted to wish my mom a happy Mother’s Day in person. I brought her roses and signed a card with just my name. Normally, I sign both of our names, but for some reason, it didn’t feel right signing them both to a Mother’s Day card.

What a difference in the two gatherings this weekend. Being a transwife can be a roller coaster ride sometimes. But ironically, it’s because of how other people react to Mara and our relationship. The relationship itself is stable and constant.

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