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August 30, 2012

August 31, 2012

OK, is this weird, or what? I posted in my last blog that one of my sisters still thinks I’m being controlled by Mara because of that tattoo joke. Mara and I are going to the Phoenix area the weekend after Labor Day for a consultation with the facial feminization surgeon, and we’re staying with my nephew and his family. He texted us saying he and his wife are going to get tattoos in honor of their kids (a 4-year-old girl and a 1-year old boy), and would we like to get tats with them that weekend. Mara and I both are into it for some reason. Maybe it’s a bonding thing, but I’m kind-of excited about it, and so is Mara. At least for now. We may wake up tomorrow morning and think it’s not such a good idea. If we did it, they would be small tats.

I also wanted to say that I’m finally getting it that what my mom says to me is just words, and she’s just a person saying them, and I don’t have to take them on — all those faults she is suddenly finding with me. My OA sponsor emailed me a few days ago and said that she has been reading my blog and that she loves me unconditionally. That’s when I really grieved that I don’t have a mom who really loves me unconditionally. She just doesn’t know how. She never learned, never had any tools to deal with whatever shit she went through in life (I don’t know all the details). And I forgive her for that.

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