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August 28, 2012

August 29, 2012

I spoke with both of my sisters over the phone recently. One sister, who lives out of state, called me last night. I don’t have any major issues with her, and I knew she would think it was strange that I would choose to be in a relationship with a transsexual. And she does. In fact, she said it was “weird.” But she is also thinking the same thing that my mom and brothers have expressed to me: that Mara is somehow controlling me. They’re really scraping for evidence. For example, my sister pointed out that Mara would not let me get a tattoo or perm my hair. I explained to her (as I have before) that the tattoo thing was just a big joke. Mara had been engaged before we met, and her fiance had gotten one. So I jokingly (because I never really had a hankering to get one) told Mara I wanted a tattoo, and she said she wouldn’t want me to get one. We joke about it all the time. As for the hair perm, I stopped that way before I met Mara. I feel like I’m having to explain all my choices. So I finally just told my sister that I choose to be in this relationship. Period.

I called my other sister this morning. I never made a 9th-Step amends to her in all the years I’ve been in OA; and in the life-coaching seminars I’m taking, we are working on restoring integrity in our relationships. I had begun distancing myself from this sister years ago and hardly ever spoke to her. I had taken offense at some things she had said to me, so I needed to make an amends for causing that rift. It was my choice to distance myself because of my own pride. She was very touched when I told her, and although she didn’t say the words “I forgive you,” I know that she did. She is the only one of my siblings who is willing to meet Mara. She lives in San Diego but is in the Phoenix area now, helping her daughter as she prepares to move to Idaho. We will be in the Phoenix area in a couple of weeks to meet with Mara’s facial feminization surgeon for a consultation, and I asked my sister if Mara and I can take them (my sister, my niece and my grand-niece) to breakfast or something while there. She accepted, so I called my niece back to set that up. She hasn’t told her 5-year-old about Mara yet, but she said she will do that before we visit.

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